Things are definitely better today. I'm less sick and miserable, we took a walk in the park (and let L run around on the playground) this morning, and then I got to talk to my mom, Gramma, and two aunts all at once by pure chance.

I know this is going to be a difficult transition, and there are going to be down points. But in the end, it's all going to work out. It always does.

At this point, we're both very much hoping we can make it work to stay here in FL. It's just easier than trying to relocate out of state /again/ and go up to NC. It means we can go ahead and renew licenses here, get FL plates on the car, etc. Not to mention, it means not taking all the stuff we drove down here with on another out-of-state drive! While I do like the idea of NC's slightly milder weather, and its potential in the IT field, etc. ... convenience wins. Again, assuming we can make it work (read: find job(s)).

I am, however, having some hesitation about the MBA idea, but I don't know how much of that is apprehension just due to the enormity of it, and how much is real doubt. In the immediate future, my plan is to go ahead and prepare for starting a program in 2010 - including taking some business classes wherever/whenever I can (going to look at MCC's online options today, seeing as they already have all of my information in their system from when I was a student there before), and beginning preparations for taking the GMAT. I'm sure that as I go about the process, I will be better able to sort out my feelings about it.

Time to finish my lunch and nap a Bug. Hope everyone is well! Drop me a line. I miss you all!
Things are stressful, no doubt. I'm on the verge of making huge life decisions (along with O, of course), and some of them are scary and make me sad.

But tonight, I got to forget about all of that and just play outside with my boys.

Life is good, even when it's hard.
dmsj: (rain)
( Jul. 12th, 2009 06:17 pm)
On our way home from Ithaca, someone backed into the back, driver's side door of our car. O was alone in the car, as I'd taken L into the rest stop for a diaper change. Everyone/thing is fine (save for a dent in our door) and the other driver admitted all fault, but ... AUGH!

Can the shitstorm just STOP already, please?
dmsj: (fireworks)
( Jul. 6th, 2009 03:58 pm)
Things I/we did:

* packed up Buggie's closet, the remaining books in the attic (well, O did that), more kitchen stuff, some desk stuff
* sold one of O's guitars and took away more stuff for Goodwill
* attended a 4th of July gathering, wherein I was reminded how much I don't like being around people who are drinking and not minding their children (but did manage to enjoy some of the company there, anyway)
* took Buggie to a playgroup
* started to feel like myself again, proving (again) that yes, Life Is Better when I'm on Lexapro
* ate more sweets than I should have
* baked bread
* took a meal to a couple of new mommies I know, and saw their teeny-tiny little girl
* dishes, laundry, assorted miscellanea & mundania
* cuddled with my husband
* played with my little boy

Things I/we did not do:

* smack the living daylights out of the child who tried to kick my son, or yell at the people who were drinking and setting off firecrackers
* get out to the house to take measurements (not for lack of trying, mind you)
* do as much packing as I'd have liked
* go home to Ithaca, as I'd really love to be able to do one of these weekends soon
dmsj: (gnome)
( Jun. 29th, 2009 08:17 pm)
I saw a new therapist tonight. The practice is interesting. The office practices a form of therapy with which I was previously unfamiliar, but I think it could be useful to me. The whole idea is to externalize the problem. In fact, the practice has a motto: "The person is not the problem; the problem is the problem." That really resonates with me.

Tonight's session was (as a first session always is) mostly going over history and how the problem (in particular, we're working on my self-confidence issues) has affected me over the years. In the future, though, we'll be concentrating on the opposite tack. We'll be discussing my skills, talents, etc., and in this way "shrink" the self-confidence problem.

I think it will be interesting, and I'm curious to see how it goes.

In the meantime, my head feels like it's starting to "level out" from the Lexapro withdrawal. I've still been cranky and on edge the last couple of days, but it's as likely to be hormones as anything else (possibly more on this later), and doesn't feel hugely overwhelming and all-encompassing as it did last week. I feel like within a short time, I'll be able to get a better view of things, and see what the world looks like through my non-medicated mind, so I can decide whether it's best to stay off and chalk my need for them up to PPD and its after-effects, or go back on indefinitely because the need for them originates deeper than just my 2008 mental state.
dmsj: (kolystar)
( Jun. 28th, 2009 07:07 pm)
Reasons why my husband is awesome (right now):

* He made a kick-ass zucchini, bacon & cheddar casserole for dinner. SO SO good.

* Most of the book-packing in the attic was his doing, and he's also getting rid of a BUNCH of his books, something I've wanted him to do for ages but he resisted.

* He's doing PJs and bedtime-prep all by himself (along with having spent some post-dinner, pre-PJs playtime with Liam) because he knows I need some downtime.

* When we talk about something that isn't working the way it used to in our relationship, he makes serious effort to fix it.

* And most importantly, he's awesome because he's Mine! :)

(And now I'm /really/ headed offline to read.)
dmsj: (Moonshine)
( Jun. 25th, 2009 04:35 pm)
Fellow cat-people:

Have you ever had a problem with little bitty ants being attracted to your cat's dry food, if it gets left out? We had this problem last summer, and I'd forgotten about it until just now, when I found a zillion ants crawling all over Moonshine's food and had to throw it out.

If you've had this problem, how did you stop it? Is there anything we can do other than put her food bowl away the second she's done eating (she prefers to graze, so we leave it out for her... but that's not going to work if it's going to attract ants all summer)?

dmsj: (writing)
( Jun. 22nd, 2009 08:43 pm)
O got the test results back today, and they were negative. In fact, they were actually negative for any type of flu. Apparently, however, there's been a different virus going around, which presents with all the same symptoms as the flu. Guessing we had that. In any case, though, he's now cleared (and feeling better enough) to return to work tomorrow morning.

We decided to make today an Offline Day, a tradition in the KolyStar household from years ago, but which has fallen by the wayside. I think I'd like to make it a more regular occurrence, though - possibly even sometimes when O is at work, to help with my addiction. That's gotten pretty out of hand again lately, for numerous reasons, and I'd like to get it under control again.

Due to the feeling better and the being offline, we managed to actually Get Stuff Done today. We packed a couple of boxes - Buggie's stuffies, and our unnecessary shoes. We donated some things to an area daycare - outgrown disposable diapers, and some toddler food that contains soy - and picked up the diaper liners we'd purchased from Heather. And we made bread (which didn't turn out quite right, but is terribly tasty - just didn't rise enough, probably due to not having the correct yeast on hand). Oh, and we made up another batch of all-purpose cleaner/disinfectant and cleaned away the germs.

No one told me that Fuzzi Bunz run HUGE. Liam is a size L in all the diapers we own, and should be L in Fuzzi Bunz too, based on their weight chart. But we just got the 2 we'd ordered, and they're too big on him. So I guess we'll need to track down some M's at some point soon, if we're going to start trying those for night-time diapering. (He has another diaper rash, too, and I think it's from using disposables for bedtime. His skin is super-sensitive.)

Paperwork mess is all done, re: house, which means our closing date should, in fact, be 7/31. This likely means we'll be doing the actual move (with truck and all) on August 8th, pending an e-mail back from friends whose son's bday party may be that weekend too. LOCALS: Anyone who is willing and able to help us move that day, please let Oliver or me know ASAP. Thanks!
dmsj: (run)
( Jun. 10th, 2009 06:22 pm)
Been busy. Last week was "hell week," and my concert. The day of the concert, we had a member pass away after a week-long stay in the ICU due to alcohol poisoning. Her memorial service was last night, and was a beautiful tribute to someone I can only wish I'd had more time to get to know.

Next Tuesday is the postponed (due to the above mentioned memorial) chorus potluck, and Thursday I have a board meeting.

Weekends aren't much better. O & I are planning a date sometime this weekend (because we've barely seen each other lately, given all of the above). Next weekend we have a 2nd birthday party to go to, and the weekend after that we may be going to Ithaca. And if we /don't/ go to Ithaca, I have a baby shower to go to.


Somewhere in there, we're needing to do more packing and preparing for the move. Our inspection is (finally) scheduled for Friday afternoon, after which point we'll know whether or not our proposed closing date (July 31st) is going to stick.

Speaking of which, we're seeking locals to help us move, though we can't yet tell you what the date will be. If all goes according to plan, it will be either August 8th or 15th, but obviously that will depend on when we close.

Liam has decided to un-wean. We'd been nursing just once, usually a couple hours after he went to bed. Now we're back to 2-3 times per day. Heh.

OTOH, he's night-weaned now, so I can't exactly complain about this.

Stalled out on exercise/diet progress (also due to the above mentioned busyness), but am trying to get back on track. O is wanting to do the same, so hopefully we'll both see some results.

Dinner time! Away I go!
dmsj: (catnap)
( Jun. 8th, 2009 08:46 am)
One side of my brain says:

It was a long, tiring week last week. L & O have both had colds, and I've had a few symptoms. I stayed up too late last night reading and playing games on my phone (because O slept on the couch since he was stuffy-nosed, and I hadn't had any time for that this week). I'm tired and I want to just spend the day vegging and snuggling/playing with my cute little boy.

The other side says:

I'm moving in about a month and a half. My house is a disaster because of last week's chaos. I did almost nothing all day yesterday because I was tired /then/, and was spending time cuddling with O. The dining room needs vacuuming, the kitchen and bathroom need cleaning, the stairs and hallway need to be Swiffered. I haven't walked since Friday, either.

Bah, stupid guilt. :P
at 6:30ish this evening, we signed the paperwork to make the offer on The House! O has to stop by their office in the morning with our "good faith" deposit, and his cousin (our mortgage broker) will be faxing/e-mailing all the paperwork from his side of things. By close-of-business tomorrow (probably a lot sooner, but that's the deadline), the ball will be rolling yet again. Our buyer's agent doesn't expect they'll even counter our offer. I hope he's right!

Now the waiting game begins again. Things may take an extra day or two longer than they usually would because the sellers are in Florida rather than local.

So glad we got this taken care of today, though. As I've mentioned before, this week is Dress Rehearsal week, so busier than usual. Spending an /extra/ evening out of the house would've been less than ideal. Hopefully the buyer's agent is right and we won't have to meet again to sign counteroffers, etc.

With luck, we'll be moving in August.

dmsj: (rain)
( May. 27th, 2009 09:22 am)
I managed to drive myself to and from rehearsal last night (though 2 of my section-mates yelled at me for it; I wouldn't have done it if I didn't feel totally confident that I'd be okay), and I didn't have any trouble standing throughout the rehearsal either. I did sit down once or twice, but it was more preventative than necessity.

This morning I'm feeling a LOT more lucid than I have in several days. I've only had one wave of dizziness at all, and it was milder than I've had in the past. My theory is that this is allergy/sinus-related, and now that I'm back on the Flonase (the last time this happened - though it wasn't as severe - they put me on Flonase to help clear things up), things are improving.

I may, however, keep my appointment for tomorrow anyway. I can still talk to her about the weight issues I'm having.

... and I just had another wave of the dizzies, so it's probably best to talk to her anyway.

I /do/ feel better enough that I'd consider going out for a walk if there weren't a 70-80% chance of rain today. (Which could also explain the improvement in my condition, if I weren't one of those unfortunate types for whom rain makes allergies /worse/.)

In any case, there is a mountain of laundry (which will have to go in the dryer, since I can't hang it outside, bah!) and a sweet Buggie which both need my attention. Bye, all!
dmsj: (balance)
( May. 26th, 2009 05:36 pm)
It seems worst in the mornings. It's been hours at this point since I've had an attack, but this morning was the worst it's been yet. I feel better enough right now that I'd consider driving myself to chorus... but it's probably safest not to, just in case.
dmsj: (sigh)
( May. 26th, 2009 03:29 pm)
[ profile] littlebuhnee talked me into it. :)

Tell me something you've always wanted to tell me. You can tell me ANYTHING -- comments are SCREENED.
dmsj: (me)
( May. 26th, 2009 11:22 am)

On Friday at L's storytime, I started having random dizzy spells. I also had a random (they're usually cyclical migraines; this one was out of phase and less severe) headache that afternoon. The dizzies have continued ever since, making it impossible for me to drive to Massena or back over the weekend. I've made an appointment with my doctor for Thursday morning. In the meantime, I did a little research, and it sounds like it /could/ just be BPPV. But given that I have a family history of high blood pressure and diabetes (though my own personal history has been fine on both counts), I figure it's worth finding out for sure.


We were in Massena from Saturday evening through Monday morning, visiting my dad. We left after lunch on Saturday so it would be close to naptime for Buggie. Got there around 6:something that evening and had a little time to spend with him before bedtime. Spent Sunday with him as well, and had a cookout with the family (my aunt and her boyfriend, one of my cousins and her husband and son). Got to eat Dairy Queen ice cream and Glazier hot dogs. L was very well-behaved (and energetic, OMG!) and charmed everyone, as he always does. :)

O and my dad went out together to play pool while L and I went back to the hotel room for L's nap. I can't even begin to tell you how much this means to me, that they are comfortable enough together to spend time without me. Even on a weekend when the Mets (my Dad's team) were playing the Red Sox (O's team, if he were to actually care about baseball).

And seeing my dad with his grandson? I don't have words for that, either. Pictures will have to suffice. (The older pics at that link were from a few days last week, but most of them are from the weekend.) Oh, and he was QUITE pleased with the Mets shirt I'd picked up at consignment for L. :)

* L is a total book addict. He is constantly bringing us books to read to him. Unfortunately our downstairs book supply (the board books) gets very repetitive very quickly.

* I will be hopefully meeting someone this week to discuss employment possibilities with her local cloth diaper store.

* Tonight is my last non-dress rehearsal for this season of chorus. Next week we have dress rehearsals at the actual performance center, Tuesday and Thursday. I'm also thinking about not singing next season, but it depends on a number of factors. And even if I drop out for the season, I'll stay with my committees and the board.

Hopefully I can get to tonight's rehearsal, as I'm not sure I dare drive myself there.

* I also have two small-business (one website, one other) ideas floating around in my head that I need to figure out details for.

* I'm frustrated because I was doing really well with my new exercise initiative, and then I went away for 3 days, and am now unable to do much without making myself dizzy. I MAY be able to do some stepping on the Wii Fit, but my ST and yoga options are pretty much nil, and I don't dare go for a walk outside the house at all. :/

* My in-laws might host Christmas in FL this year. That would be pretty nifty, if a bit weird.

* Off to get things ready for naptime!
dmsj: (Default)
( May. 25th, 2009 08:55 pm)
( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )
In my last post, I was talking about my issues with food, and bad habits. I got some good feedback, including a mention of a weight-loss support group that a friend's mother used very successfully a few years back. I'm thinking of e-mailing the local contact person and see if there's a group that will work for me.

In the meantime, I am trying to do what I can on my own by being more mindful of what I'm putting in my mouth. I don't want to count calories or points or whatever because that just makes me stress out about what I'm eating. (One of the downsides to having an obsessive personality.) But that doesn't mean I can just shove whatever I want into my mouth without a thought, either.

Right now, I'm feeling a lot more focussed and mindful about my eating choices. Today, I have managed not to eat when I wasn't hungry, not to pick up my son's scraps and eat them out of habit. I haven't eaten without giving serious /thought/ to it.

I won't promise that this is going to be enough, but the admission to Oliver and then to you all has made me more aware and more thoughtful about the this. Hopefully that, plus the extra push I've given myself with exercise (which I only started a week ago, so I do need to be a little bit patient). And I think that joining the group might help me to /stay/ focussed and mindful. Which is what I really need, I think.
dmsj: (peace)
( May. 12th, 2009 05:01 pm)
Remember that interview I was all panicked about? It got canceled. Apparently (as the woman warned me might happen, since I was being interviewed so late in the process) they hired someone else before they got around to me.

On the one hand, it's a little disappointing because I'd been working out ways to make the schedule work, figuring out all the logistics in my head, etc. And, y'know, a steady (as opposed to my less-regular freelancing) paycheck would be nice.

But on the other, the job was definitely not ideal and I was definitely overqualified. It also may not have paid well enough to even justify taking it. So I don't feel like I've lost anything. Just that I haven't /gained/ anything, either.

Now, in light of my post-panic revelations, I have to decide what this means from here forward.

But right now I have a hungry Bug who wants me to make him some dinner.
dmsj: (mommying)
( May. 11th, 2009 12:51 pm)
Happy belated Mother's Day, first of all!

Mine was lovely. I received a new camera to replace the one that spontaneously died a few months back. I am absolutely in love with it.

Saturday, I spent the afternoon shopping with Mom, while Oliver took Liam back to our motel room for naptime. Liam made out like a bandit this weekend - 4 t-shirts (including a Mets shirt to dress him in when we go visit my dad!), a plaid button-down, 2 sets of PJs, and a pair of pants. Oliver got a few coins to add to his collection. And I got a pair of shoes (but mine are brown).

Sunday, we went to my aunt, uncle & Gramma's house for the day. Good family day - had lunch, chased Liam around, played a game during his nap, took some pictures, and headed back home. Got home much later than anticipated, but Liam was still in bed almost on time.

I really need to get back on the wagon in terms of diet and exercise. I haven't dared step on the scale or do a Body Test in a few weeks now, but this weekend was especially bad. We went out to dinner Friday night to celebrate O's citizenship. Then we were away over the weekend, so there were two more meals out on Saturday, and my aunt bought pie & ice cream for Sunday's dessert. Three different servings of ice cream in a 3 day period. Bad me. :P

Exercise-wise, I've just been lacking motivation. Part of it, I think, is that I'm bored with the Wii Fit exercises I was doing for tummy/arm stuff. But also it's just a matter of laziness and tiredness. If I don't sleep well for a few days, I have a hard time convincing myself to get off my butt and DO something. Especially if I wait until later in the day.

So I'm going to start walking every day that is feasible, and doing it in the morning around 9 or 10 - late enough that breakfast has digested, early enough to be back in time for Liam's lunch. Morning walks really help my energy levels for the whole rest of the day, so I just need to DO it. As for tummy/arm exercises, meh. I dunno what I want to do about that, but I'm definitely sick of being so floppy. And I know I've no one/nothing to blame but myself.

Job interview is Thursday. I found out this morning that the pay grade for that level of job is between $9.50 to $11.50ish as a starting wage. If they're willing to hire me towards the higher level, I will probably take it. If it's towards the bottom, I won't. It wouldn't even make any sense, once you factor in paying for child care. I put on my application, though, that I was looking for at least $12-15, so if they aren't willing to at least come close to that, I'll sort of wonder why they called me in the first place.

New batches of pictures on the family photo site. :)

... and I wrote about what that means to me, too.
dmsj: (Default)
( May. 7th, 2009 09:48 am)
tl;dr )
dmsj: (Default)
( May. 4th, 2009 11:38 am)
Customized my layout. Prettypretty. :)
dmsj: (mommying)
( May. 4th, 2009 09:22 am)
It's supposed to be 60s and sunny today, but I'm not sure if I can get out for a walk or not because Liam is still so very sneezy/snotty. If I do get out, I'll have to take a zillion tissues (and Purell) with me. But I'm not sure how he'll do during a walk. Most of the morning, he's been very clingy and sad. Right now he's watching PBS, and drinking diluted orange juice. He did just walk over to me and give me a big toothy grin, so maybe he'd be alright for a walk after all.

There are also no playgroup meetups that work for us this week, at all. I hadn't realized it until too late, but the trip to the zoo that I wanted to join in on is today. And I didn't keep the car. Plus, playgroup + sick kiddo doesn't seem like a good idea anyway. I think we'll even have to miss story time this week, since it's right in the middle of Oliver's citizenship thingie. :(

I do, however, want to get out consignment shopping sometime this week. I guess the plus side to not having any playgroup plans is that my schedule is more flexible as to which days I keep the car. (And this is why we wanted a 2nd car... but is that really a /need/? Not yet.)

Also feeling rather frustrated about the job search. Yes, I am being somewhat picky, and that doesn't help - particularly in this economy. OTOH, I would be just as frustrated and "trapped"-feeling if I took a job that /isn't/ what I'm actually looking for. So I just have to press on, keep looking, and keep a positive outlook that the right job will show up eventually.
dmsj: (hermione)
( Apr. 30th, 2009 12:00 pm)
I need a Girly Stuff icon. Any ideas/suggestions/volunteers to make one? I can make it myself, but I don't have any ideas yet. I need either inspiration, or for someone else to just step in and do it. :)

This one is the closest I have, and it's rather specific.
dmsj: (14m)
( Apr. 30th, 2009 09:23 am)
Does anyone else here use size 4 Huggies overnight diapers? If so, do you want some? I'd definitely want you to pay shipping, and maybe some above that, but less than you'd pay in the store. I think we need to move up to size 5, and we have an almost-full package of the size 4s. Let me know?
dmsj: (writing)
( Apr. 27th, 2009 08:03 pm)
Finished most of my to do list for today, and still found time to watch a Gilmore Girls episode and make a blog post.

Now to curl up with New Moon (which I am not hating as much as everyone else seemed to) until O comes down from putting L to bed.
dmsj: (run)
( Apr. 21st, 2009 02:45 pm)
(Also, testing the crosspost feature from DW to LJ. Hopefully it works.)

So I've done the math and figured out that we can probably afford a sticker-price of about $12K. That's the number I came up with, assuming a 5-year financing plan, 6% interest, and the amounts we can/are willing to spend for down payment and monthlies.

This is what we want:
* decent fuel efficiency
* plenty of space for the assorted babygear we travel with
* something big enough that my husband (who is 6'7") can drive comfortably (note, he fits behind the wheel of our Outback sedan, but is fairly cramped)

Anyone have any suggestions what we should look for?


dmsj: (Default)


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