Buggie: *tugging on my arm as I sit on the couch putting on my shoes* Mommy, go away.

O: *chuckling* Hey, that's not very nice.

Buggie: Please!

"I know that 2009 was pretty horrid for a lot of people. One way we might make 2010 a bit better is to spread some love around. So if you care to reply to this post I will give you a response of something I like about you.

If you like participating in these sorts of things and want to repost this in your LJ that'd be fun, too."

2009 brought a lot of change - some good, some way less than good.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Went through most of the process of buying a house, moved out of NYS, visited Florida, drove down the East coast, got a paid writing gig.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made any. Generally speaking, I'd rather just work on continually setting goals for myself, rather than making yearly resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My oldest friend had a little girl in late-August.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
We had to put my eldest cat to sleep after he went feral and attacked Oliver.

5. What countries did you visit?
Canada, just once, back in January

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
a job

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 8th - it was when kolys lost his job

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
not (completely) falling apart when our lives got turned upside down

9. What was your biggest failure?
the times when I've lost my temper or said things that were unkind

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
nothing major

11. What were the best things you bought?
nothing is immediately springing to mind

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband, for being so supportive and loving, and for being such a wonderful daddy.
All of my friends and family who supported us when times got difficult, and those who helped us to move all our stuff into storage before we moved out of state.
My in-laws, for allowing us to use their vacation home until we can get on our feet.
The friends and family who helped us during the home-buying process.
My son, for being the smart and amazing little guy he is!

13. Whose behavior appalled you?
Xerox - for allowing their bureaucracy to totally contradict itself and defy logic

14. Where did most of your money go?
rent

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
buying our first home

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I can't honestly think of one.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Hmm... some of each.
ii. thinner or fatter? About the same, I think. Maybe a little thinner.
iii. richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Spent time with my family and friends in NY.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
focusing on the negative

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With my boys, in our PJs, watching Christmas specials on TV and relaxing around the house with yummy snacks and each other's company.

21. Why is there no Question 21?
I don't know; I didn't write the questions.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
I fell in love with places, and remained in love with people.

23. How many one-night stands?
0

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Veronica Mars

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I'm still very bitter with Xerox, but I think I'm starting to let it go.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Night Listener by Armistead Maupin, though I'm also really enjoying the one I just started today: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Hmm - I don't know as though I made any musical discoveries this year! I surprised myself recently by enjoying Taylor Swift's single and there have been other things I've liked... but nothing stands out, which is really weird!

28. What did you want and get?
a gorgeous new camera for my birthday, a healthy and mostly-happy family, a visit from my mom, a new spiritual-home, someplace to stay when O lost his job

29. What did you want and not get?
a job (well, several jobs, really), a house, a new (to us) car

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't see many films, honestly, but Up was especially good

31. What did you do on your birthday?
My husband took me out to dinner at a restaurant on the beach, which our son spent the evening with a babysitter

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Employment

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Mostly - comfortable and casual. I was a SAHM most of the year, and often didn't leave my house other than for walks with the Bug.

34. What kept you sane?
My boys, writing.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Edward Cullen from the books - I don't find Robert Patinson all that attractive, but the character ... Mmmm. :) Also, I kinda had a crush on Jason Dohring.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
It's a tie between health care reform and gay marriage rights

37. Who did you miss?
In the last part of the year, almost everyone.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I don't think I would claim ONE person as the best, but I've met some great folks down here - all from my church.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
You just never know.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
If you find somebody to love in this world
You better hang on tooth and nail
The wolf is always at the door
In a New York Minute
Everything can change
In a New York Minute
Things can get a little strange

At this point, we're not moving to CA. O got an automated e-mail last night, telling him he didn't get the job he'd interviewed for. He found 2 others on their site this morning (and I found one as well, but mine is in their DC-area office, so obviously we couldn't both accept offers), and e-mailed his friend again.

It seems like we're spending an awful lot of time at square one. :P From here, though, we just redouble our efforts in the DC-area, the RTP area, and here in FL until something eventually pans out. It will, sooner or later.

I'm not sure the "one year in Florida" plan is actually going to come to fruition. We've both changed our focus a little since coming back from NY and me starting this temp. job and such. It started with a resume-request from one of O's friends, for a position in Palo Alto, CA. This is the same company he was considering during the summer, but we ruled it out because of location. Now, however, we're starting to wonder if we need to change location because let's face it - things have not been all that promising for us here in Florida. We'd both been hoping this possible position was in the company's DC-area office, but it turned out to also be in CA.

However, the company does have a similar (though not identical) position in their DC office. This realization got some wheels turning for both of us, and we're both feeling like maybe that area is the way to go. If anywhere is going to have a decent job market at all, it's going to be that area first. And we have friends there. And the seasons, while much milder than NY, still change there. And it's closer to NY. And there are long-term opportunities there in fields we both desperately want to get into.

And it's not on the west coast, which is looking to be our other major option. If we have to do that, we will. But neither of us want to, particularly. (The thought of it still makes me want to cry; I'm just afraid of closing any doors right now.)


I am posting this as a desperate plea for prayers/positive thoughts/etc. Please keep us in your thoughts in the coming weeks as we try to put this new plan in motion. Please pray that this works out for us in the way we are hoping. I am praying as hard as I can, myself.

Does anyone have a good remedy for antibiotic-induced diarrhea in a toddler? Filling him up with yogurt a couple times a day for the probiotics is not doing the trick. Not even close, in fact.

Is anyone here any good at resume-writing/tweaking/etc., and willing to help me out with mine? I'm thinking it needs some extra pizazz in order to make it stand out. It definitely needs something, since I've been looking for 2 months and haven't even had a single interview.

I can't afford to pay much, if anything, but I could really use some help. (Feel free to send other folks my way, if you know someone.)

Today was pretty neutral. We didn't do much - some straightening, I went to the gym, O made chili. No particular high-points stand out to me. But neither do any particular low-points either, so I still call it a win.

I thought we were getting company this weekend - a distant relative of O's. Turns out, it's /next/ weekend. Annoyed as I was when I discovered the mistake, it's probably for the best. I'm feeling very mellow and keep-to-myself-y, so having someone I've never met in the house overnight wouldn't have been ideal.

Instead, I've gotten to spend the evening chilling out with either the computer or my book, and occasional cuddles from a Bug. Definitely better suited to my mood.

I spent some of my birthday money today. I bought myself 2 shirts and a skirt at Old Navy, all on clearance. And a bathrobe at Target, also on clearance. And 2 workout DVDs and a camera case, plus two CDs-worth of MP3s (the SK6ERS albums I didn't have yet) on Amazon.

Yay shopping that doesn't cost me any real money. :)

As much as it may be tiring to read the same books over and over (and over... and over ...) again, I love that L has inherited our love of books. It's no wonder, really, seeing as we were both early readers and are still bookworms to this day. But still, I love having him curled up in my lap, telling me what's on each page, or having me read him the story contained within. He points out letters, numbers, animals, and random objects, and sometimes completes our sentences as we read to him. The library is one of his very favorite places to go, and books are definitely his favorite plaything.

I spent a good chunk of this morning reading him books while O was making phone calls. And when we returned from errands this afternoon, his first request was "read please."

Even when I'm beat and want to just flump and be left alone, I can't help but to smile at how much he loves to read. :)

There are possibilities all around right now. The most promising is some freelancing work that O has lined up, which could turn into a long-term situation and/or even a partnership. Keep your fingers crossed on that!

I am also hopefully going to be taking on the job of volunteer editor for the church newsletter. I'll be meeting with the administrator on Sunday (unless she e-mails back and wants to get together outside of church some other time) to discuss it. Sure, it's volunteer, but it's experience and it looks good on the resume, and it'll be fun!

I also applied for a job I desperately want, last night. So please keep me in your thoughts in that regard as well!

This may or may not be the light at the end of the tunnel, but there is definitely plenty of hope and excitement in the air around here. :)

( Today's positive: ice cream on the beach at sunset )

There is so much happy involved here, I think I'll let the pictures (and the others from yesterday and tonight) speak for themselves. :)

Forgot yesterday's Daily Positivity (#6)!

That said, I suppose a lot of this covers it. Yesterday I was very thankful that L seemed to be feeling a lot better than the day before. I was also thankful for the extra snuggles that tend to come along with having a sick little boy.

(FYI, he's back on regular food as of today, and other than some congestion and occasional crankiness, you'd never know it'd ever happened.)

Will be back later with #7 - I prefer to do them at the end of the day, so I can take the opportunity to look back at the day as a whole.

Today's Daily Positivity came at me suddenly, from down the hall. I was reading on the couch while O gave L his bath. When he was out of the bath and in the bedroom, I could hear giggles, and silly voices (both of them) saying, "Dry dry dry!" as is one of their little Daddy-Son rituals. I knew O was rubbing L down with his towel and entertaining him in the process. Their fun and obvious love of one another made me break out in a huge smile.

I'm very blessed. :)

While in the store earlier, L was in the cart and kept leaning forward to give me hugs. Buggie hugs are one of the best parts of any day. :)

(bonus points to anyone who wants to send me a mix CD of this type of music)


I am looking for energetic instrumentals to listen to while I am both working out and reading. I have a great Energy playlist for my non-reading workouts (ie, elliptical training), but on days when I'm reading while using the stationary bike, I prefer things without lyrics to distract me. I'm thinking Blue Man Group, Combustible Edison, etc.

I already have the Audio album by Blue Man Group, several tracks by Combustible Edison (Breakfast at Denny's, Carnival of Souls, Call of the Space Siren, In the Garden of Earthly Delights, Laura's Aura, and Short Double Latte), and one song by Mushroom (The Evolution of Smells in an Underground Parking Garage... )

Any other ideas? And places I can get them cheaply (but ideally, legally)?

I need a new TV show to watch - ideally via DVDs from the library. My criteria are as follows:

1. I'm looking for "fluff," but GOOD fluff.

2. Characters must really catch my attention and have some depth. If I don't find myself "missing" them after a few days have passed, it's not a good show. Most of what I like (both in TV and books) is very character-driven.

3. Needs to be at least a few seasons old, as I'm hoping to get them from the library, as I said above.


Previous interests that would fit these criteria include Buffy/Angel, Gilmore Girls, Sports Night... and even 90120 back when I was a teenager.

I deleted my other post because, well... this one is going to be a clarification of what led to that. The big thing here is this: I keep finding jobs that require qualifications I don't have. And when I find those, I think, "I wish I had X, Y, or Z." But ... getting X, Y, or Z takes too long to be practical, in a lot of cases. I'd been researching the HIM/HIT programs in the area, thinking it would at /most/ take me a year to complete, hopefully less. And that would open up new doors to me that my current qualifications do not. Unfortunately, it seems like that is likely to take at least a year and a half to two years. Plus I wouldn't qualify for in-state tuition rates until I was almost done with the program, if I started this term (which is, of course, looking less and less likely). So while it's not totally ruled out, it's going on the back-burner (with so many other options and half-options) because I can't justify the time and money expenditure for something I'm not truly passionate about.

The MBA is still a possibility, though I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it full-time. It may be a matter of "wait and see," which is hard right now because so much is up in the air. My big hesitation with the MBA is financial as well. It's even /more/ of a time and money commitment, so I'm hesitant to do it unless I'm REALLY sure it's what I want.

Part of me wonders if I'm just trying to find any excuse to go back to school. And if it's about /that/, rather than really, truly furthering my career ... then no, it doesn't make any sense.

It's also somewhat about control. I can't control the job market. I can't control how long it takes for O or myself to find gainful employment. Returning to school is something I /can/ do for myself, rather than being dependent upon so many outside factors. But again, that's not a good, solid reason, either. I know the MBA makes sense in a lot of ways, but it's very overwhelming, and I'm not sure whether or not I'm ready/willing to take it on at this juncture.

And part of me is afraid of getting stuck. I don't necessarily want to keep being "just" a SAHM anymore. If O finds work before I do, then I'm afraid of feeling trapped. Afraid of stagnating. Please don't read that as, "I don't want to spend time with my son." I do. I love him. But I need a change (ironic, considering the past two months).


... I think I'm having a mid-30s crisis. Where's my shiny new sports car? :P

Things are stressful, no doubt. I'm on the verge of making huge life decisions (along with O, of course), and some of them are scary and make me sad.

But tonight, I got to forget about all of that and just play outside with my boys.


Life is good, even when it's hard.

Things I/we did:

* packed up Buggie's closet, the remaining books in the attic (well, O did that), more kitchen stuff, some desk stuff
* sold one of O's guitars and took away more stuff for Goodwill
* attended a 4th of July gathering, wherein I was reminded how much I don't like being around people who are drinking and not minding their children (but did manage to enjoy some of the company there, anyway)
* took Buggie to a playgroup
* started to feel like myself again, proving (again) that yes, Life Is Better when I'm on Lexapro
* ate more sweets than I should have
* baked bread
* took a meal to a couple of new mommies I know, and saw their teeny-tiny little girl
* dishes, laundry, assorted miscellanea & mundania
* cuddled with my husband
* played with my little boy


Things I/we did not do:

* smack the living daylights out of the child who tried to kick my son, or yell at the people who were drinking and setting off firecrackers
* get out to the house to take measurements (not for lack of trying, mind you)
* do as much packing as I'd have liked
* go home to Ithaca, as I'd really love to be able to do one of these weekends soon

Reasons why my husband is awesome (right now):

* He made a kick-ass zucchini, bacon & cheddar casserole for dinner. SO SO good.

* Most of the book-packing in the attic was his doing, and he's also getting rid of a BUNCH of his books, something I've wanted him to do for ages but he resisted.

* He's doing PJs and bedtime-prep all by himself (along with having spent some post-dinner, pre-PJs playtime with Liam) because he knows I need some downtime.

* When we talk about something that isn't working the way it used to in our relationship, he makes serious effort to fix it.

* And most importantly, he's awesome because he's Mine! :)



(And now I'm /really/ headed offline to read.)

O got the test results back today, and they were negative. In fact, they were actually negative for any type of flu. Apparently, however, there's been a different virus going around, which presents with all the same symptoms as the flu. Guessing we had that. In any case, though, he's now cleared (and feeling better enough) to return to work tomorrow morning.

---

We decided to make today an Offline Day, a tradition in the KolyStar household from years ago, but which has fallen by the wayside. I think I'd like to make it a more regular occurrence, though - possibly even sometimes when O is at work, to help with my addiction. That's gotten pretty out of hand again lately, for numerous reasons, and I'd like to get it under control again.

---

Due to the feeling better and the being offline, we managed to actually Get Stuff Done today. We packed a couple of boxes - Buggie's stuffies, and our unnecessary shoes. We donated some things to an area daycare - outgrown disposable diapers, and some toddler food that contains soy - and picked up the diaper liners we'd purchased from Heather. And we made bread (which didn't turn out quite right, but is terribly tasty - just didn't rise enough, probably due to not having the correct yeast on hand). Oh, and we made up another batch of all-purpose cleaner/disinfectant and cleaned away the germs.

---

No one told me that Fuzzi Bunz run HUGE. Liam is a size L in all the diapers we own, and should be L in Fuzzi Bunz too, based on their weight chart. But we just got the 2 we'd ordered, and they're too big on him. So I guess we'll need to track down some M's at some point soon, if we're going to start trying those for night-time diapering. (He has another diaper rash, too, and I think it's from using disposables for bedtime. His skin is super-sensitive.)

---

Paperwork mess is all done, re: house, which means our closing date should, in fact, be 7/31. This likely means we'll be doing the actual move (with truck and all) on August 8th, pending an e-mail back from friends whose son's bday party may be that weekend too. LOCALS: Anyone who is willing and able to help us move that day, please let Oliver or me know ASAP. Thanks!

One side of my brain says:

It was a long, tiring week last week. L & O have both had colds, and I've had a few symptoms. I stayed up too late last night reading and playing games on my phone (because O slept on the couch since he was stuffy-nosed, and I hadn't had any time for that this week). I'm tired and I want to just spend the day vegging and snuggling/playing with my cute little boy.



The other side says:

I'm moving in about a month and a half. My house is a disaster because of last week's chaos. I did almost nothing all day yesterday because I was tired /then/, and was spending time cuddling with O. The dining room needs vacuuming, the kitchen and bathroom need cleaning, the stairs and hallway need to be Swiffered. I haven't walked since Friday, either.



Bah, stupid guilt. :P